Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A never winning battle....and exhaustion

Life is hard. I'm not sure who the first person was to say that, but it's pretty true. Drake has been hard lately. We've started him in art therapy and the therapist told us that a child with PTSD mixed with ADD are the hardest to pull out of and the process will take about 2 years. This can explain why Drake comes home from school whenever he sees someone who resembles the person who pulled the trigger.

Nights are still very challenging. He becomes an emotional monster. I leave again for work next week and I'm sad about that. However, I'm grateful to have a good job and good health insurance. My employer and boss have been very patient with me as we travel this journey. From what I can see we have quite a long road ahead.

My Grandma Peggy passed away Wednesday. I hate death, in fact I fear it now more than ever. I fear having one of my children die before me. I'm really going to miss my grandma . She was such a great lady. I have fond memories of her spoiling me rotten and always being so sweet. She's with my Grandpa Bob now and I'm sure she's much happier.

Okay, back to Drake as this blog is for him. We've lost sone steam on bracelet making. It seemed like after his surgery and school starting its just so crazy! We are going to start making more again. It looks like we will have another surgery in a few months so it can keep us occupied until then.

My sister has been staying with us and helps out tremendously. Drake and Hollie have this strange bond. I blame it on their ADHD! He just loves to sleep by Aunt Hollie, play with her, etc. He even made a special bracelet just for her!

Anyway, we have our semi weekly visit to Children's Hospital today so I will go for now. It's off to work I go!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Sleepless nights...

Argh! It's 5:03 a.m. and I'm tossing and turning in my hotel room. I'm away from all of my kiddos and I'm so stressed about Drake. He's so behind in school. He's only able to read, if he covers his left eye with his hand and at this point I wouldn't call it reading.
He came home from school this week sick from his eye and very upset. We've agreed to put him in therapy as he has pretty bad PTSD. He's either upset or upsetting someone else especially towards the evening. I've also noticed pretty intense panic attacks.
My sister who is closest to Drake is moving to Utah. I'm so happy. I feel like someone is holding a pillow over my face and I'm fighting for air. It will be great to have her comfort.

I would have never thought this situation would try all my patience, frustration, sadness, etc. I honestly can say I feel actual heartache for him. My husband has been working a lot, so it's been very lonely. The other two boys are doing great. I feel very fortunate that Drake is such a fighter and positive child. I often wonder if God gave him all the spirit and creativeness he has to help prepare us for situations like this. I've never seen a child so positive thru such hard times. He's still making everyone laugh.

The sweetest thing I've heard my youngest say while we were cuddling was when asked what his favorite thing was about each brother, he said, " I like Drake's owie eye." His innocence and lack of judgement because someone was different melted my heart. When times are tough, I try my best to hold onto the sweet moments like those.....