Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Thank you to all who have loved and supported us during this year. Words will never be enough to thank you!

Thank you Traverse Elementary

On another note! A quick thanks to Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Stephenson at Traverse Elementary School. In the spirit of giving, Mr. Stephenson (principal) and Drake's teacher had me come in one day and teach his class how to make HOPE bracelets. We made 31 bracelets in about 2 hours. I didn't take pictures of the children as I don't know their parents, but the kids were great and we are very appreciative of their kind acts and giving their time to help other children out. What a great group of 4th graders. I am grateful for all the support we receive from this school. Go Tigers!

Christmas and an update

Have you ever felt like you are in 2 different worlds? Our you are torn between 2 people? My emotions during the holidays have been mixed as we are surrounded by love, forgiveness, peace, hope, etc. I want to be nice and loving to the person who hurt my son, but she shows no remorse. How do you forgive someone who shows no sadness? Who yells at you on the phone and tells you your son is just fine? How do you tell someone who's child you've hurt these things?? This is even more complicated because she is a close family member. We love her and only wish she would love our son back. We wish she would show something, some type of love or care towards him. She's not volunteered to do one flippin thing with him. He is sad to watch and hard to understand. If she is as sad as she says to everyone else, why not go to counseling with him? Why not rebuild that relationship and cope together? I just don't understand... I watch my son struggle emotionally and I'm angry but yet at the same time, very grateful for just how blessed he is. There are days when I call my husband crying because I'm upset about the entire situation. My brain wonders...... I think of the future- will he pass a driver's test? Will glaucome cause him to be blind in 10 years? How will he play sports? Why do the glasses have to fog up in the cold? Why the PTSD? Why hasn't the person who shot the gun, come over to love and support him? I get on the why treadmill and I just want to scream and hit like a child. Being the shooter happens to be a family member, it makes Christmas hard. We love that person and we wish things would just go back to how they used to be. How do you show that love when they show no emotion? She has NO IDEA the trauma this has caused. If you don't believe me, call his therapist! We've nicknamed Drake the traveling sleeper. He moves from his bed, to our floor, to the couch to the floor all night long. He is now napping in the late afternoon. He wakes up telling me something just oozed out of his eye, to turn on the lights to find it was all just a dream. He also had a dream where someone cut him up into pieces but he was a piece of paper. Dreams that are never peaceful or calm but distorted and wrong. My husband decided to make a fire out in the backyard pit while it was snowing, just to see how it felt. Drake told me that he didn't want to go out to the fire. I asked why- he stated that smell reminds him of, "you know what...". I was so sad. Then I made breakfast and he refused to eat it. I made eggs and bacon along with some sausage. Drake loves sausage, or should I say he used to. Now he won't eat it. The pure memory of breakfast the morning he got hit and vomitting non stop has caused him to develop classical conditioning. He wants absolutely nothing to do with anything that morning. It breaks my heart... I had to make a decision as a mother to either 100% put myself into my employment or pull myself out. Financially, sanity and insurance reasons, made me decide that I had to re-dedicate myself to my job. I have a lot of opportunities coming up and I've worked hard to get. It would be foolish to get discouraged and walk away now. It's like giving up half way in a race. Plus sitting at home would do Drake no good. It would only show him that giving up is an option. Behavior wise, Drake has been pretty out of control Drake has started a medication which is helping his ADHD. His ADHD went thru the roof when this happened. He's constantly agitated or bugging someone. We've had to find coping mechanisms to make this manageable. Christmas was great. We went to Dr. Hoffman on 12/12/12. Must be a lucky day. We bought ourselves 4 months until we return. We have a few possible surgeries within the next few years. They will cold laser the cloudiness in his lens and they will also reconstruct the pupil due to the constant light sensitivity. Nothing like the thought of a knife to your son's eye. Sports are going to be a challenge. Drake was cleared to play the next sport, which is soccer. He's refusing to wear the sport goggles as he does not want to be teased. There's another 500.00 in glasses. I guess emotionally, I can not fathom what he must go thru or think about himself. He hates getting hit in the face or head with snowballs now. He comes in crying and his glasses fog up. It is amazing how much trauma to an eye can derail you. I wonder how I do it (and how he does it!) and I'm sure when I look back, I won't have a way to describe it. I read other parents stories and challenges and it helps get me thru these times. I read a story today that hurt my heart. We decided to help this little boy in the story and make him a HOPE bracelet out of LEGO's. http://gma.yahoo.com/world-unites-dying-boys-wish-come-true-215547551--abc-news-topstories.html I can only hope that people who read this story, send positive thoughts and prayers to not only my son but all the other little children out there struggling to survive from a disease or sickness in which they didn't ask for. Until next time....

Breakdown.... Sick and tired of it all!

This week we had so many meltdowns with Drake and freak outs that we took him to his Pediatrician to see what are options are. Being he has ADHD, and then PTSD, she suggested a medication for now and possibly a second in a few weeks- if he gets too sleepy. We've not seen too much of a change but I guess it's worth the try. His pediatrician is Dr. Melissa Kendall!! She's been taking care of my boys for quite some time! I definitely trust her! I found this picture below and I think it expresses the way I feel! I've been really sick again this week. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Emotionally, I'm fried!

KSL... Click link to KSL news! You can donate under Drake Sorensen at any Chase Bank or on the PayPal tab!!

Click link to KSL news! You can donate under Drake Sorensen at any Chase Bank or on the PayPal tab!! I would write more but I'm pretty under the weather!

http://soc.li/sKiM06k

Glasses

So this week the fear of glasses has started. Drakes eye continues to shut half way. It looks sorta like a lazy eye. He has a serious bifocal in the left lens
We paid extra to have the bifocal made as thin as possible without giving him a major bug eye. We took him to Alpine Vision and they were great!

Kids at school yesterday were calling Drake names because of his glasses. Sometimes I wish I could go smack those kids!

Drake continues with art therapy. I noticed this morning he left his snack and homework folder on the counter. The therapist explained that with PTSD it's normal to have everything a mess. It's a reflection of how Drake views himself. It's so sad and very overwhelming. He rips through his drawers like a hurricane to find things, he leaves his laces untied, his writing has gone bad and we just had parent teacher conference to learn that he's slipped back to a second grade level in writing and spelling. It's so upsetting. He may act like he is doing great but that's because I can tell he desperately wants to feel that way! He also asked for eye drops this week. That was also a first. He had been jumping on trampoline and came in crying that his eye was hurting and felt dry.

Sorry that my blogs have become boring. We are just trying to maintain a normal, positive, lifestyle. Next week we are off to the eye doc at Children's and art therapy in Orem. I will be out of town for work again. I hope he does ok. It's so hard to leave them all...

We also hiked Timp Cave last weekend! All the boys loved it!

A never winning battle....and exhaustion

Life is hard. I'm not sure who the first person was to say that, but it's pretty true. Drake has been hard lately. We've started him in art therapy and the therapist told us that a child with PTSD mixed with ADD are the hardest to pull out of and the process will take about 2 years. This can explain why Drake comes home from school whenever he sees someone who resembles the person who pulled the trigger.

Nights are still very challenging. He becomes an emotional monster. I leave again for work next week and I'm sad about that. However, I'm grateful to have a good job and good health insurance. My employer and boss have been very patient with me as we travel this journey. From what I can see we have quite a long road ahead.

My Grandma Peggy passed away Wednesday. I hate death, in fact I fear it now more than ever. I fear having one of my children die before me. I'm really going to miss my grandma . She was such a great lady. I have fond memories of her spoiling me rotten and always being so sweet. She's with my Grandpa Bob now and I'm sure she's much happier.

Okay, back to Drake as this blog is for him. We've lost sone steam on bracelet making. It seemed like after his surgery and school starting its just so crazy! We are going to start making more again. It looks like we will have another surgery in a few months so it can keep us occupied until then.

My sister has been staying with us and helps out tremendously. Drake and Hollie have this strange bond. I blame it on their ADHD! He just loves to sleep by Aunt Hollie, play with her, etc. He even made a special bracelet just for her!

Anyway, we have our semi weekly visit to Children's Hospital today so I will go for now. It's off to work I go!